I have to work full-time in order to help my family accomplish the goals my husband I have set. We want to be able to send Jacobi to college one day, since we cannot bank on financial aid as there may not be any available when he is of age to attend college. Struggling myself throughout the years trying to put myself through school has been hard and now in my 30's trying to finish my degree. I don't want my child to have to worry about that when the time comes, therefore I work.
Last night was a tough night though, as soon as I walked in the door I thought I better start dinner. Jacobi came and grabed my hand, said mama and lead me to play blocks with him. My heart melted as he has never done this before. He did the same when dad came home, so as a family we sat on the floor and played together, it was AMAIZING! then 7pm came so fast and it was time for bed. I rocked him to sleep all while thinking, what a horrible mother I am. I only see my child for two hours a day, my heart hurts when I am away from him. Don't get me wrong I love interacting with the outside world, I could never be a stay at home mother but I find myself alone in this catagory. Most of my friends either stay at home full time or work part time and have flexable schedules. I am writing this blog in hopes there are other mothers that can offer some words of encouragement or can undstand my position. I recently watched a movie with a quote " Mother is God in the eyes of a child" and I want my son to see me like that as long as possible. I feel as though if I don't spend time with him this may disapate :( I love my son so much and try everyday to remind myself the sacrifices we make are for his future.